How to Overcome Self-Doubt

When did you realize that no one else was to blame? That the voice of doubt, criticism, and sabotage wasn’t coming from the outside, but from within you? For me, it was over 25 years ago when a dear friend gently said, “You know, you don’t have to think of yourself this way. It doesn’t have to be this hard.” I had no idea what she meant, but I trusted her enough to listen. And that moment changed everything.

It can be a turning point, a shift toward owning your full potential and taking full accountability for what is happening (or not happening) in your life.

The first step? Naming it. As Daniel Siegel teaches, “Name it to tame it.” For many reasons, we’re much better at naming our thoughts than our feelings. Research by Brené Brown even shows that most people operate with only three words to describe emotions, self-doubt rarely makes the list.

So I named my inner critics and saboteurs. I gave them identities, creating distance between them and me. That space allowed me to take back control. I still hear them, but now I’m the one driving the car. They’re just passengers, I can turn down their volume, challenge their logic, or simply tell them to take a back seat. And in that space, my Sage, my Heart’s voice, my Creative Lead and Wild Spirit have room to speak.

We all experience feelings of self-doubt from time to time, whether it’s when we’re starting a new job, new realtionship, or venturing into the unknown of parenthood. That’s perfectly normal. However, it’s a different experience to often struggle with feeling unsure of yourself or to frequently question your own beliefs and attitudes.

How often do you wonder if you’ve made the right decisions?

Self-doubt exists on a spectrum. In a healthy dose, it can keep us grounded, encourage growth, and push us to do better. But when it becomes overwhelming, it turns into a force that holds us back. The key distinction? Pay attention to its impact. Is your self-doubt making you reflect and improve, or is it keeping you stuck, second-guessing every decision, hesitating to speak up, or avoiding opportunities?

In extreme cases, self-doubt can be paralyzing. It can make you gaslight yourself, questioning your own reality, instincts, and worth. It can become the internalized voice of every criticism, rejection, or moment of ostracism you’ve ever experienced.

When that happens, self-doubt is no longer just hesitation, it’s a weight that drags you down, keeping you small and disconnected from your own power. It becomes heavy, dark, and isolating.

But self-doubt doesn’t always look like fear or avoidance. Sometimes, it manifests as overachieving, driven by an inner critic disguised as a perfectionist. This voice tells you that you’ll never be good enough unless you keep proving yourself, that your worth is tied to achievement, and that any mistake is a failure. It pushes you to work harder, take on more, and chase impossible standards. Not out of joy or ambition, but out of fear. And while it might look like success on the outside, inside, it can feel exhausting and empty.

The good news? As my friend said, we don’t have to feel this way. There is help. We can reach out for support, for guidance, for new ways of seeing ourselves. Self-doubt is not an unchangeable truth; it’s a narrative we can rewrite. And it starts with recognizing that we have a choice.

Self-doubt can be a challenging experience, but it’s one we can address. In this article, I’ll define self-doubt, explore what contributes to it, and share strategies to manage it.

What is Self-Doubt?

Self-doubt can be defined as a state of uncertainty about the truth of anything (Braslow, Guerrettaz, Arkin, & Oleson, 2012). It might involve questioning our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, opinions, decisions, self-views, or any "truth" we hold in our minds.

This state can leave us feeling unstable and unsure of ourselves. Researchers further suggest that self-doubt specifically involves questioning our own competence (Braslow et al., 2012).

A certain level of self-criticism can serve as a healthy source of motivation. It might inspire us to work harder and refine our skills, ultimately boosting our confidence. However, excessive doubt and fear can prevent you from performing well and realizing your full potential.

Though overcoming self-doubt takes time, it is achievable. By dedicating yourself to this journey, you can embrace your authentic, empowered self.

What Contributes to Self-Doubt?

At its core, self-doubt is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, loneliness, failure, success, judgment, loss, and even death. It is a survival mechanism designed to protect us from risks, yet when left unchecked, it can hold us back from growth and fulfillment.

Our sense of self-worth is shaped by a complex interplay of experiences, cultural influences, relationships, and the environments we navigate, home, school, work, and society at large. These forces shape the internal narratives we carry about who we are, what we are capable of, and whether we are "enough."

Over time, these narratives become ingrained, subtly dictating how we approach opportunities, challenges, and even our own dreams.

Early life experiences play a foundational role. For example, growing up with overly critical or dismissive parents can instill deep-seated self-doubt, making it difficult to accept praise or trust one’s own decisions. Some individuals respond by becoming overly modest or unconfident, while others overcompensate by striving for perfection.

In my coaching practice, I often reference Bob Anderson’s Universal Model of Leadership, which highlights how our earliest developmental years shape our emotional patterns and beliefs about self-worth. The first five years of life are particularly critical in forming reactive tendencies, such as a deep need for approval or control, patterns that can later hinder authentic leadership and self-trust.

Beyond early influences, social comparison and digital culture exacerbate self-doubt. The rise of social media has created an environment where people constantly measure their lives, achievements, and appearances against curated versions of others. This constant comparison can distort self-perception, fostering insecurity and feelings of inadequacy.

Chronic stress and burnout also weaken cognitive and emotional resilience, making it easier to fall into cycles of self-doubt. When overwhelmed for extended periods, even the most capable individuals may begin questioning their abilities and worth.

Additionally, major life transitions, such as moving to a new country, changing careers, or becoming a parent, can shake confidence and temporarily destabilize one’s sense of self. These moments of change often bring uncertainty, making self-doubt more pronounced.

At the core of self-doubt lies the inner critic, the voice that whispers (or shouts) that we’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. This internal saboteur often stems from past experiences, societal pressures, or internalized expectations.

Left unchecked, it can keep us small, hesitant, and fearful of failure. The key to overcoming self-doubt is recognizing this voice for what it is, a conditioned response rather than an objective truth, and actively challenging the limiting beliefs it reinforces.

Are Self-Sabotage and Self-Doubt the Same?

While self-doubt and self-sabotage are closely linked, they are not the same. Self-doubt is the voice of uncertainty and hesitation, while self-sabotage is the action (or inaction) that reinforces those doubts, often keeping us stuck. Traditionally, self-sabotage has been seen as a conscious choice, but psychologist Shirzad Chamine challenges this notion, suggesting that it operates at a much deeper, subconscious level.

Through his theory of Positive Intelligence, Chamine explores the hidden forces driving self-sabotage, revealing how our inner "saboteurs" shape our thoughts and behaviors. By understanding the neuropsychological roots of these patterns and tapping into our inner wisdom, we can break free from self-imposed limitations and step into our full potential.

How to Overcome Self-Doubt

It all starts with self-compassion

No one has ever berated themselves into a better, more confident version of who they are.

True growth comes from treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a loved one.

Cultivating self-love requires recognizing the negative messages that fuel your self-doubt and identifying where they originated. These messages may have been spoken directly to you or absorbed through the way you were treated.

They often stem from early caregivers, societal conditioning, or past experiences that made you feel inadequate or unworthy. Over time, these messages become deeply ingrained, shaping your inner dialogue and triggering shame or self-criticism in moments of doubt.

To break free from these limiting beliefs, it's essential to create distance between these messages and your sense of self. This requires acknowledging and grieving the harmful narratives you’ve carried, understanding that they were never a reflection of your true worth.

One powerful practice is recognizing that these beliefs were never yours to carry in the first place. Healing from self-doubt is not a one-time event but an ongoing practice. Each time these messages resurface, you have the opportunity to consciously reject them and replace them with self-empowerment and compassion.

The more you engage in this practice, the more you reclaim your true voice, one that is rooted in worthiness, strength, and self-trust.

Understand The Science Of Self-Sabotage

Chamine’s research outlines how, within the intricate circuitry of our brains, there are distinct regions that govern our responses to life’s challenges:

The surviving region, situated in the brainstem, limbic system and left hemisphere, houses our inner saboteurs, the relentless voices that generate negative emotions in the face of adversity. According to Chamine,

“These negative emotions are only helpful for a second as they alert you to dangers or issues. However, staying in these emotions hurts your ability to see clearly and choose the most impactful response.”

With these emotions, our saboteurs perpetuate a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety, hindering our ability to thrive.

Conversely, the thriving region, nestled in the middle of the prefrontal cortex and the “empathy circuit” of the brain, is home to our inner voice of wisdom and clarity. Chamine highlights that this region, contrastingly, generates positive emotions in the face of adversity, such as compassion, gratitude, curiosity, joy and focus.

Own Your Story

Reflect on your formative experiences to uncover the roots of your self-doubt. Facing your story with honesty and self-compassion can pave the way for healing and growth.

Understand Your Internal Saboteur

Learn to recognize the voices that fuel your doubt. Tools like Positive Psychology assessments can help you identify these patterns and begin rewriting them. Awareness is the first step toward change.

Start Small and Seek Support

Building self-worth is a gradual process. Take small, intentional steps and surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and validate you. A coach or counselor can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and guide your journey.

Learn Your Strengths

Identify and celebrate your unique talents. These qualities are your superpowers and set you apart. As Maya Angelou said, “If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”

Listen to Your Heart and Body

Tune into your inner wisdom by connecting with your heart and body. When faced with decisions, pause and ask yourself, What feels true to me? Practices like mindfulness, yoga, and meditation can help you notice physical sensations and access deeper clarity.

Develop a Routine for Self-Honesty

Build trust with yourself by fostering honesty. Practices like Morning Pages, from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, encourage daily journaling to access your true feelings and identify patterns.

Building self-worth is a process that requires patience and commitment. Question negative thought patterns and recognize that you are not your thoughts. You can undo mental habits over time and replace them with empowering ones.

Remember, your uniqueness is your strength.

Foundations of Self-Esteem

Try to cultivate the belief that your worth is intrinsic, it doesn’t rise or fall based on external factors like how others treat you, the decisions you make, or the money you earn. Practice unconditional self-love, not as something to be earned but as a foundation you stand on. Focus on developing the qualities that matter to you, strengthening your character, and growing in ways that align with your values.

According to Schiraldi (2007), self-esteem is built on three key foundations.

1. Unconditional Self-Worth

   
   

   • Your worth is not determined by external factors like others’ opinions or your achievements

     
     

2. Unconditional Love

   
   

   • Foster permanent love for yourself and seek it from supportive relationships

     
     

3. Growth

   
   

   • Develop personal qualities, make good decisions, and build your strengths.

     
     

"In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act." - Caroline Caldwell

Let’s Work Together

Self-doubt can be exhausting, and I see you. If you’re tired of the inner critic, tired of feeling not good enough, of the impostor syndrome, the perfectionism, or the need to please, you’re not alone.

When we work together, we’ll shift your focus from seeking approval to embracing your inherent worth. You are most powerful when you trust yourself, when you lead from a place of confidence, not doubt. You deserve both love and growth, and I’m here to help you step fully into both. Let’s begin.

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Hi, I’m Monika, Strengths Coach, facilitator, social-profit organization leader, and photographer. I’m here to help you own your vision for meaningful growth and transformation, uncover your unique leadership strengths, and empower you and your team to thrive and create lasting impact. Passionate about driving change within, around, and beyond, I love supporting fellow change-makers on their journeys.

I hope you’ll visit often, and I look forward to connecting and working together!