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How to Disagree with Courage

Writer's picture: kawkapckawkapc

Updated: 5 days ago

Disagreement often gets a bad rap. It can feel uncomfortable, tense, even threatening. We avoid it for the sake of peace, sidestepping conflict to preserve harmony. But what if we flipped the script? What if disagreement wasn’t something to fear but something to get comfortable with?


Disagreement, when approached with courage and civility, is one of the most powerful tools for growth, understanding, and meaningful change.


Disagreement as an Honest Exchange


When two people disagree, they reveal more than just their opposing views: they share their deeper truths. Disagreement requires honesty. To say, “I see it differently,” is an act of vulnerability.


Consider a team in a creative brainstorming session. Someone proposes an idea that feels safe but uninspired. A colleague hesitates, then says, “What if we approached this from a completely different angle?” This disagreement might feel jarring at first, but it pushes the group to think bigger. Suddenly, the conversation isn’t just about choosing an idea, it’s about exploring the best idea.


When we disagree with courage and curiosity, we deepen our understanding of one another. We see beyond the surface, uncovering the values, beliefs, and experiences that shape our perspectives.


The Hidden Value of Disagreement


Agreeing feels nice. It affirms our beliefs, soothes our egos, and keeps the waters calm. But comfort rarely leads to growth. Growth happens when we’re stretched, when our ideas are challenged, and we’re forced to think, listen, and reconsider.


Imagine a community discussing a contentious topic, such as environmental policies or equity in the workplace. Agreement might maintain the status quo, but civil disagreement can uncover blind spots, elevate unheard voices, and inspire innovative solutions.


True leadership and creativity thrive in these uncomfortable spaces. They require the humility to admit we don’t have all the answers and the courage to seek them together.


image by Monika Kawka

Examples of the Power of Disagreement


Disagreement, when approached constructively, can be a catalyst for progress and innovation. Here are some examples involving women leaders who have harnessed the power of disagreement to effect positive change:


1. Christiana Figueres and the Paris Agreement


As the Executive Secretary of the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change, Christiana Figueres played a pivotal role in the negotiations leading to the 2015 Paris Agreement. The process involved reconciling conflicting positions from nearly 200 countries. Figueres encouraged open dialogue and embraced differing viewpoints, fostering an environment where disagreement could lead to consensus on climate action.


2. Ellen Johnson Sirleaf's Post-Conflict Leadership in Liberia


Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Africa's first female head of state, led Liberia through post-conflict reconstruction. Her leadership involved addressing disagreements among various factions and promoting inclusive dialogue. By embracing differing perspectives, she facilitated national healing and democratic governance.


3. Women in Rwanda's Post-Genocide Government


Following the Rwandan genocide, women assumed significant roles in rebuilding the nation. Their increased participation in government led to progressive reforms and policies promoting gender equality. By engaging in political processes and embracing differing viewpoints, they contributed to national recovery and development. These examples demonstrate that when leaders engage with differing perspectives and navigate disagreements with empathy and determination, they can drive significant positive change in their societies.


How to Disagree with Courage and Civility


Disagreement is only as productive as the way we approach it. Here are some ways to embrace disagreement as an opportunity:


  1. Listen to Understand, Not to Win - approach disagreements with curiosity. Ask questions. Seek to understand the other person’s perspective before defending your own


  2. Stay Calm and Respectful - disagreement isn’t about proving someone wrong, it’s about finding common ground or learning something new. Keep your tone respectful and your mind open


  3. Focus on Shared Goals - even in disagreement, you often share the same ultimate goal. Keep that in mind to maintain collaboration rather than competition


  4. Be Willing to Change - disagreement is only meaningful if you’re open to having your perspective evolve



The Way Forward


The world doesn’t need more echo chambers or false harmony. It needs bold conversations where people are willing to disagree, listen, and learn. Disagreement, when embraced with courage and civility, has the power to deepen our relationships, sharpen our thinking, and inspire transformational change.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.” Mahatma Gandhi

If you're ready to get more comfortable with the uncomfortable and explore how disagreement can be a tool for growth and leadership, I’d be delighted to support you.


 

Hi, I’m Monika, Strengths Coach, facilitator, social-profit organization leader, and photographer. I’m here to help you own your vision for meaningful growth and transformation, uncover your unique leadership strengths, and empower you and your team to thrive and create lasting impact. Passionate about driving change within, around, and beyond, I love supporting fellow change-makers on their journeys.


bio portrait of Monika Kawka

I hope you’ll visit often, and I look forward to connecting and working together!


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