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The Essential Importance Of Trust: How To Build It

Writer's picture: kawkapckawkapc

Updated: Feb 10

Trust defines relationships. It is the invisible thread that holds society together, shaping our interactions, decisions, and commitments. We often view trust as precious yet fragile. It forms the foundation of nearly everything we do as a functioning society.


It enables us to exchange our hard-earned paychecks for goods and services, commit our lives to a partner in marriage, and vote for leaders we believe will represent our best interests.


From a psychological perspective, trust is more than just an expectation of behaviour, it’s an emotional brain state. This makes it both powerful and delicate, especially in meaningful relationships. Losing trust can be costly, not just emotionally but also financially and professionally.


The good news? Trust is not static. It can be earned, lost, and, in many cases, regained.


So how do we build and sustain this essential leadership capital?


The Trust Triangle


Frances X. Frei, a Harvard Business School professor, and Anne Morriss, an entrepreneur and executive founder of the Leadership Consortium, developed a framework that identifies three core drivers of trust: authenticity, logic, and empathy.


  • Authenticity: People trust you when they feel they are interacting with the real you

  • Logic: People trust you when they have confidence in your judgment and competence

  • Empathy: People trust you when they believe you care about them


When trust is broken, it is almost always due to a breakdown in one of these three areas. To build trust, leaders must first identify their weakest link in the triangle, where they “wobble”, and work to strengthen it.



The Trust Triangle by Frances X. Frei and Anne Morriss


Another well-regarded framework for understanding trust comes from organizational psychologist Roger Mayer, who identified three key dimensions of trustworthiness: ability, benevolence, and integrity.


Ability refers to a person’s competence in a given domain, trusting a surgeon, for example, depends on their medical expertise. Benevolence reflects the belief that the other person has our best interests at heart, which is particularly important in close relationships and leadership. Integrity is the perception that someone consistently adheres to principles and ethical standards.


This framework helps explain why trust varies across contexts. In professional settings, for instance, we may trust a colleague’s ability but question their integrity if they act dishonestly.


In relationships, benevolence often carries more weight, knowing that someone genuinely cares fosters deeper trust. Understanding these constructs allows us to assess trust more precisely, rebuild it when damaged, and cultivate environments where trust can thrive.


The Anatomy of Trust


Brené Brown’s work on trust has been profoundly influential. She describes trust as something that must be carefully defined and broken down to be used as a tool in leadership and relationships.


One of her most well-known metaphors is the marble jar. Trust, she explains, is built through small, consistent actions, just as a teacher rewards a class by adding marbles to a jar for good behavior. Trust isn’t formed through grand gestures but through everyday moments of reliability, kindness, and integrity.


John Gottman’s research supports this idea with what he calls “sliding door moments”- small but pivotal choices in relationships. Imagine your partner sighing heavily, clearly upset.

You can choose to ask, “What’s going on, love?” or ignore it and continue with your day. These micro-moments accumulate over time, shaping the trust (or lack thereof) in a relationship.


father and son walking, image by Monika Kawka

Trust: A Multifaceted Concept


But what is trust? There are many musings and definition. While we often speak of trust as a singular concept, trust is multifaceted and can be understood in different ways:


  • Trust as Behavior: It manifests in our actions, when we rely on others, delegate tasks, or make commitments that depend on someone else following through


  • Trust as Probability: It is the belief that someone will act in a predictable manner, based on past experiences and perceived reliability


  • Trust as a Mental Attitude: It is an abstract yet deeply ingrained conviction that a person is dependable and will act with integrity


  • Trust as Emotion: It evokes feelings of confidence, security, and reassurance, particularly in close relationships where trust fosters emotional safety


  • Trust as a Neural Process: On a biological level, trust is a complex cognitive function that integrates emotions, experiences, and expectations, forming a dynamic mental representation of reliability


Trust is not just one thing, it is an interplay of cognition, emotion, and experience that shapes how we connect, cooperate, and navigate the world.


Defining Trust


We often use the word “trust” without fully unpacking its meaning. Charles Feltman provides a concise definition:


“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”


Conversely, distrust arises when we believe what matters to us is not safe with another person.


Brené Brown developed an acronym, BRAVING, because when we trust we are braving connection with someone.


Boundaries


I trust you when we respect each other’s boundaries. This means being clear on what’s okay and what’s not, saying no when needed, and honouring others’ limits as well.


Reliability


Trust is built when you consistently do what you say you’ll do. It’s not about one-time efforts but showing up again and again in the ways you promise.


Accountability


We trust those who take ownership of their mistakes, apologize sincerely, and make amends. Equally, trust grows when we allow others to take responsibility for their actions without blame or avoidance.


Vault


What I share with you stays with you. Trust includes keeping confidences and resisting gossip. Brené warns against “common enemy intimacy”, bonding over shared dislike of someone, which is a counterfeit form of trust.


Integrity


“I cannot trust you if you do not act from a place of integrity, and you encourage me to do the same.”


Integrity involves:


  • Choosing courage over comfort.

  • Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy.

  • Practicing values rather than just professing them.


Non-Judgment


In a trusting relationship, we can ask for help and express vulnerability without fear of being judged. Many of us are better at giving help than receiving it, but mutual support is essential to trust.


Generosity


Trust thrives when we assume the best in others and clarify misunderstandings with kindness. For example: “Yesterday was hard for me, it was the anniversary of my mother’s passing. I thought you’d call, and I missed hearing from you.” Communicating openly fosters connection and prevents resentment.


The Importance of Trusting Yourself


A lot of times if you find yourself in a struggle with trust, the thing to examine first is your own marble jar, how you treat yourself because we can't ask people to give to us something that we do not believe we are worthy of receiving. 


One of the hardest aspects of trust is self-trust. Brené Brown emphasizes that BRAVING isn’t just for relationships with others, it applies to our relationship with ourselves.


Self-trust is braving self-love.


Ask yourself:


  • Am I reliable to myself?

  • Do I choose courage over comfort?

  • Do my actions align with my values?


“I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and then say, ‘I love you.’"- Maya Angelou

If you struggle with trust in relationships, the first place to look is your own metaphorical marble jar, how you treat yourself. We cannot ask others to give us what we do not believe we are worthy of receiving.


Can Most People Be Trusted?


According to Psychology Today, trust is complex because motivations and responses vary widely across situations. However, research suggests that generalized trust, the belief that most people are generally trustworthy, is correlated with higher intelligence, better health, and overall life satisfaction.


Final Thoughts


Trust is not an abstract concept, it is an essential ingredient in all relationships, organizations, and societies. Whether in leadership, partnerships, or friendships, small, consistent actions shape trust over time. By understanding its key drivers and practicing BRAVING, we can build stronger, more resilient connections.


In the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama:


“To earn trust, money and power aren’t enough; you have to show some concern for others. You can’t buy trust in the supermarket.”



 

Hi, I’m Monika, Strengths Coach, facilitator, social-profit organization leader, and photographer. I’m here to help you own your vision for meaningful growth and transformation, uncover your unique leadership strengths, and empower you and your team to thrive and create lasting impact. Passionate about driving change within, around, and beyond, I love supporting fellow change-makers on their journeys.


bio portrait of Monika Kawka

I hope you’ll visit often, and I look forward to connecting and working together!

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